Living the dream... http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...style-Argentine-mans-lived-40-years-cave.html
https://exoticanimalsforsale.net/bears-for-sale.asp Buy a bear! It's legal without permit in 7 states and with a permit in 9 more states. It looks like they roughly cost ~2500$ + shipping which is roughly 500$ - and only to legal states. Goes great with multiple 8 Watt lasers. By combining them into an array it's possible to easily reach a kiloWatt and the bear will be strong enough to carry it. http://www.laserpointerpro.com/ukin...able-laser-pointer-pen-kit-silver-p-3511.html
It requires lots of drinking before hand on the part of the bear, you have to hope that he passes out close to the crate you are planning to use so you can roll him over into it with a forklift. After that it's a matter of quickly getting the crate to the post office before the bear wakes up. For some reason they frown on accepting a crate that has angry growling coming from it. Also you need to make sure that you pick a bear that doesn't snore too much, it seems to raise uncomfortable questions at the post office.